Schalke 1-2 Werder Bremen (2018)

Schalke 1-2 Werder Bremen
Bundesliga
Saturday 3rd February 2018

When it comes to foreign languages, it's no small understatement to say that I'm not an expert on German/Deutsch.

I only understand a few basic phrases and one of them 'Schizer, Schalke' got muttered quite a few times at this match by disgruntled home supporters unhappy that their side had succumbed to defeat against relegation-threatened opponents

Schalke are located in Gelsenkirchen - a small-mining town not far away from Dortmund.

Their plush stadium 'Arena Auf Schalke' (now called the Veltins Arena under sponsorship reasons) was state-of-the-art when it opened its doors for the 2001/02 season. The pitch is kept outside so it can get as much natural sunlight as possible, then wheeled in under one of the stands on matchdays whilst the space outside is then used as a car park. It's also one of the few stadiums in Europe to have a retractable roof - though it wasn't used for this game.

It's where England crashed out of the World Cup on penalties to Portugal in a game where the little winker, Cristiano Ronaldo, baited Wayne Rooney enough to get him red carded even though they were club team-mates at that time. It's also where, two years previously, Jose Mourinho's Porto thrashed Monaco in the UEFA Champions League Final.

I'd booked the trip here going the 'long way' - that being an overnight coach trip from London to Dortmund on the Friday night into the Saturday morning, followed by a return journey around 12 hours later. There wasn't much scope if things went wrong but thankfully they didn't and I arrived in Dortmund in good time, around 9.00am.

Gelsenkirchen is around an half-hour train trip from Dortmund (at worst) and it went smoothly. Having arrived there at the Main Hauptbahnhof, a quick change was needed to get on a tram that went all the way to the Arena Auf Schalke which is around seven kilometres away on the northern outskirts of the town/city.

Schalke fans are very proud of both their football team and their heritage - paying tribute to it with several montages of 'miners' which appeared on the big screens during the pre-match build up. Despite a population of just over a quarter of a million (comparable to Derby or Portsmouth in England) they regularly get 50,000+ in attendance and this particular afternoon was no different. One of their 'anthems' was a re-working of Mike Oldfield's 'Moonlight Shadow' from way back - popularised, in part, during their UEFA Cup triumph in 1997.

Sadly, the hosts failed to deliver a performance on the pitch to both warm the hearts of the home faithful or get them singing as, instead, they were sluggish, lethargic and weren't able to take advantage of the good position which they'd got themselves into at half-time.

Nabil Bentaleb set-up for Yevgen Konoplyanka for the opening goal midway through the first half, but Bremen 'dug in' and kept their shape pretty well before they eventually began to turn the balance of the game in their favour after the re-start. Max Kruse's equaliser with less than 15 minutes to go had Schalke fans muttering with discontent and their misery got a whole lot worse when Zlatko Junuzovic smashed in a dramatic winner for Bremen deep into injury-time.

'Schizer, Schalke' was an appropriate phrase to describe the performance!

Köln 0-3 Hoffenheim (2017)

Köln 0-3 Hoffenheim
Bundesliga
Sunday 5th November 2017

I've got a confession to make!

When I booked this trip, I did so partly because it was on Guy Fawkes weekend and, with Köln being a decent-sized city, I anticipated that I'd see a decent fireworks display after the game.

I was really looking forward to it on that basis but then the penny dropped. Köln is in Germany; a country which has absolutely no links to the gunpowder plot against the UK government in November 1605. Therefore, there'd be no fireworks display... but I'd already booked the flights!

It was a schoolboy error worthy of putting me straight into contention for any 'prat of the week' award though it wasn't quite a lost cause because, ultimately, it was still another trip abroad. The fact that Borussia Monchengladbach were also playing at home on the Saturday ensured that I'd be more than content and have plenty to enjoy.

Having been to Köln several times previously, I knew pretty much what to expect from both the city and the ground - even though I hadn't actually seen a match at the RheinEnergie Stadion. For anyone that's not been, the stadium is located in the western part of the city - about three or four miles from the centre, but it's easy to reach by tram. As is the case with most clubs in Deutschland, the cost of travel within the city boundaries is included in your match ticket.

At the time, Köln were living in a nightmare - bottom (and winless) in the Bundesliga after a dozen or so games and even at this early stage it was obvious they were in for a tough campaign. The team were competing in their first UEFA competition since the early 1990s and their magnificent support (amongst the best in Europe) was best demonstrated when they took 10,000 supporters to Arsenal. Hoffenheim, who by coincidence have amongst the worst support in the Bundesliga - in terms of numbers, were favourites going into the clash and they found themselves at the opposite end of the division - punching above their weight and comfortably embedded in the Bundesliga's European Qualyfing spots for the following season.

I've said many time before that the Bundesliga is the best league in Europe for many things whether it be the way the clubs are run or for sensible ticket prices compared to the UK and to put that into context, tickets for this game were cheaper than several League Two matches on the same weekend. You can also have a Bratwurst/Curry Worst (or two, or three), have a beer in view of the pitch and even smoke in your seats - simply because there's less legislative bull sh*t around in Deutschland.

One of Köln's stranger rituals is performed by their mascot called Hennes who happens to be a real-life goat which gets introduced to the crowd in comic fashion prior to every home game.

I got the feeling that for some home fans, seeing Hennes with their own eyes was the highlight of their afternoon. If he's meant to be a 'good luck' charm then he certainly didn't bring them any whatsoever on this occasion as they were comfortably outplayed and outclassed by a decent-looking Hoffenheim side who romped to a 3-0 win.

There was simply no spark in Köln's performance, let alone any fireworks, and it came as no surprise whatsoever when they were relegated later in the season.

Day 7: Köln

So far on my virtual 'lets pretend we're on a European road trip in order to pass the time whilst we're all in lockdown' I've been to Lille, Brussels, Eindhoven, Amsterdam, Bremen and Dortmund.

Having been to around 50 cities in Europe in total and with the measures not looking like they'll end anytime soon, there's every possibility I'll have the time to write articulated/creative nonsense on most, if not all of these different places.

So today, it's the turn of Köln (or Cologne in English); the fourth largest city in Deutschland and where the skyline is dominated by the unmistakable Köln Dom which can be seen from miles around.

I've been here around half a dozen times and there's loads of things to see/do and passing time won't be a problem because it's not a boring place like some cities.

The Köln Dom is located next to the Main Railway Station (Köln Hauptbahnhof) and, unless you've got the same eyesight as Stevie Wonder, then it's absolutely impossible to miss the cathedral as you come out the station and walk onto the main square. It's the symbol of Köln! Interestingly, my first visit here was in January 2016 and it was just a few weeks after the notorious 'en masse' sex attacks were carried out in this very square by migrants who'd fled to the country the previous year - thus resulting in huge social problems for many months afterwards.

The River Rhine divides the city into two parts and they're connected by a series of bridges with one of them being the Hohenzollern Bridge. It's covered in 'love locks' (a craze which I'll never understand why) and even though the local authorities have removed plenty in recent years because of the sheer additional weight they add to the structure, there's still thousands of them that can be seen.

There's plenty of River Rhine cruise options if you want to pass the time that way, as well as numerous museums and churches. The city also has an open air zoo and a cable car system which, intriguingly, passes over the summer 'hot spot' for nudist bathers on the banks of the River Rhine.

Köln is also a fantastic base for any football-related trips to Deutschland because it's in the heart of North Rhine-Westphalia - an area dominated by decent-sized clubs who will be household names to visitors from foreign shores.

Dortmund, Schalke (who are based in an old mining town called Gelsenkirchen), Mochengladbach and Dusseldorf are all roughly around an hour away. Leverkusen is easy to reach and is on the fringes of the city's extensive U-Bahn/S-Bahn train network.

Despite it's grandiose landscape and size, nevertheless, the city's own football team is enigmatic. 1.FC Köln have very, very good and passionate support which is amongst the best in Europe in terms of numbers. There was a time around 30 years ago when they were decent calibre opponents in UEFA club competitions but nowadays, they're something of a 'yo-yo' club - miles too good for Deutschland's second-tier but not quite good enough for the Bundesliga!

Their RheinEnergie Stadion sits in the western part of Köln around three miles from the centre but it's easy to reach by tram. Perhaps most memorably to English folk, it's the stadium where Michael Owen badly injured his knee in the 2006 World Cup on the same night Joe Cole scored an absolute 'worldie' against Sweden.

A couple of useful tips for those who are thinking of travelling here:

1) If you arrive here at Köln Airport (which also 'doubles up' as the Bus Terminus in an effort to keep transport out the city centre) then, if possible, pre-book your U-Bahn/S-Bahn tickets. Queues to use the very few ticket machines at the airport can be long to say the least.

2) Apart from one or two convenience shops in the Railway Station or the odd bakery, pretty much nothing else opens in Köln (and most of Deutschland, for that matter) on a Sunday.

I'll let you immerse yourself in the photos now of some of the things which this city has to offer: