Traumatised by Captain Pugwash!

Fleetwood Town 5-4 Mansfield Town

Sky Bet League One

Saturday 23rd November 2013

Captain Pugwash!

I've got to admit that I've never watched the kids programme, nor am I ever likely to, but it's theme tune is one which still sends a shiver down my spine.

Why? Because it's Fleetwood Town's irritatingly catchy (and very, very, very clever goal music) which I got to hear no fewer than five times during this utterly frustrating game. Chuck in a long winless streak beforehand, a defensive horror show with mistakes galore and conceding a last-gasp injury-time penalty to get beat, not to mention a dancing fish on the big screen after every goal, and Mr Pugwash kinda leaves a lingering bad memory!

To paint some context of the mood going into the game, it was Mansfield's first season back in the Football League but despite an initially bright start which heralded 18 points from the opening 9 games, the wheels had dramatically fallen off by late November. The team were in 'free fall' in Sky Bet League Two table, hadn't won in seven league games, hadn't scored many goals during that time and quite honestly, it was hard to envisage where the next win was coming from.

Even though we (supposedly) had one of the biggest budgets in the division at around £1.4M, I certainly didn't expect to get anything from this game as Fleetwood were well embedded in the play-off positions, genuinely going for promotion, had been chucking big money around to get better players, and had also signed Nathan Tyson on loan only a few days earlier. The rest of their squad had flair (Matty Blair, Antoni Sarcevic) and experience (Jon Parkin) whilst, by contrast, our squad included a striker nicknamed 'cone head', another who joined the club from JCB and an ex-postman-cum-attacking midfielder.

Quite honestly, given that we'd been absolutely woeful for a good few weeks beforehand - including in a horrendous 3-0 defeat at Southend United when debutant James Alabi (on loan from Stoke City) was red carded, I expected nothing less than a defeat!

After a lot of fanfare beforehand in and around the press area over Jamie McGuire (a tough-tackling midfielder who we'd signed from Fleetwood the previous summer), we then made the most catastrophic start to the game by conceding the type of goal which should be on a 'Football Bloopers DVD' somewhere, within only 20 seconds of kick-off.

The teams emerge for kick-off (Photo: Martin Shaw)

Anthony Howell was the culprit as he gave away possession on the edge of the box and then collided with Alan Marriott just as he was just about to gather the loose ball into his grasp. Subsequently, Gareth Evans slotted home and Captain Pugwash's catchy tune was soon playing aloud over the PA system!

You could only despair at the defending and wonder why nobody had just whacked the ball as far down the pitch as possible. In slow-motion, we'd contrived to sleepwalk into danger, paid the price, and there was a gloomy resignation that this indeed would be a long afternoon.

Nevertheless, a 1-0 deficit, very surprisingly, soon became a 2-1 lead.

Chris Clements, who previously hadn't scored for Mansfield, equalised with a low free-kick after nine minutes before Fleetwood's Ryan Cresswell then decided to have a 'brain fart' by shanking an attempted clearance from the edge of his six-yard box straight to Howell who smashed the ball home.

Even with less than a quarter-of-an-hour played, you got the distinct feeling that this could be one of those stupidly 'bonkers' afternoons when there are goals left, right and centre and the script just goes totally out of the window!

The hosts levelled through Antoni Sarcevic's penalty, awarded after a clumsy tackle by Martin Riley, prior to half-time and as daylight turned to dusk early in the second period, they turned the screw sufficiently enough to establish a 4-2 lead with both Sarcevic and Evans on target once more.

After the fourth goal went in (and Mr Pugwash's irritating theme tune was again blazing aloud), defeat seemed inevitable. Fleetwood were well on top at this point, in complete command and the last thing anyone expected was a comeback!

But that's exactly what materialised. Sam Clucas' flicked header with 13 minutes remaining swung momentum back in our favour and then on the brink of stoppage-time, Ross Dyer stabbed the ball home from less than a yard out to make it 4-4 and spark wild celebrations.

Surely that would be the end of it? Oh no...

Six minutes of injury-time were declared and during it, Fleetwood threw everything forward in search of a dramatic late winner. Just as it seemed that there would be no further goals, Matty Blair, a ghost of Mansfield past, accelerated past James Jennings down the right flank to get into a shooting position inside the area.

'Don't dive in, JJ. Don't dive in, don't dive... oh for f**ks sake' were my exact thoughts as Jennings' challenge connected with the winger and left referee Scott Mathieson with no other option but to point to the penalty spot. After a long delay, Sarcevic stepped up and duly dispatched his effort from 12 yards.

Even though the defeat was self-inflicted because of the defending at various stages, it felt absolutely gut-wrenching, demoralising and downright horrible as the Fleetwood players celebrated with their fans having earned a dramatic 5-4 win, whilst that stupid dancing fish and the bloody Captain Pugwash music played over the PA system yet again.

Ultimately, I've never been back to Fleetwood as they won promotion to Sky Bet League One at the end of the 2013/14 season and, although we stayed up at Mansfield, I never really enjoyed the remaining two years or so of my time at the club as a combination of this energy-sapping bad run, cost-cutting, and internal club politics meant a crisis never seemed too far away from happening. 

But fair play to Fleetwood and their annoyingly catchy goal music which still gives me nightmares!